MINDFUL NOT MIND FULL SERIES - Defensive Driving and the Need for Speed

In my course I argue that especially in our industry the ultimate goal is to balance two powerful forces that often find themselves engaged in a daily dance: a healthy ego and mindfulness. Working daily on that goal manifests a mindful ego and allows for both motivation and tempered action.

Ego and mindfulness, though seemingly at odds, is part of who we are, shaping our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Wrapping up this series, I want to touch on the complexities of ego and mindfulness, and how their interplay can lead us towards optimal daily functioning, a sense calmness and self-awareness.

The ego, often portrayed as a beast and something to defeat, is not inherently negative. At its core, the ego represents our sense of self, our identity in the world and in an industry where you have to perform, it can be motivation.

It is the voice in our head that tells us who we are, what we like, and what we dislike. However, problems arise when the ego becomes inflated, rigid, or overly attached to material pursuits and social validation.

An unchecked ego can lead to arrogance, selfishness, and a constant need for external validation. It creates divisions between ourselves and others, fostering a sense of separateness and superiority. The ego can crave control and resist change, trapping us in patterns of fear, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. Does that sound familiar? The industry is plagued by this and many egos are facilitated, groomed and fed by social media and the echo chambers we retreat to for support in the method wars.

On the flip side, mindfulness offers a profound antidote to an out of control ego. As mentioned in the previous blogs in this series, Mindfulness is the practice of cultivating present-moment awareness without judgment. It is about observing our thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise, accepting them without attachment, and letting them pass. Through mindfulness, we develop a deep understanding of the impermanent nature of all things, including our thoughts and emotions.

By being fully present in the moment, we can keep the ego in check. Mindfulness allows us to watch the "ego engine” and apply the brakes when it’s getting out of hand. It creates a space between stimulus and response, enabling us to choose our reactions consciously. Mindfulness is defensive driving for the ego and gives us the ability to respond with wisdom and compassion rather than reacting impulsively via the ego-driven mind.

The relationship between ego and mindfulness is constant, resembling a gas and brake pedal. When the ego leads, the driving becomes chaotic, fueled by desires, fears, and attachments. However when mindfulness is applied, driving becomes controlled and intentional. In this state, the ego is healthy and needed, it is in check and helps you move forward.

Mindfulness doesn’t seek to defeat the ego... rather it helps us demystify it and understand its purpose. Through mindful awareness, we can allow the ego’s presence without being consumed by it and spiraling out of control. We learn to recognize the ego’s byproduct—the incessant need for validation, the fear of rejection, the craving for material possessions—and apply the brakes responding from a place of inner calm and intentionality.

A mindful ego is not devoid of desires or ambitions. Instead, it acknowledges and harnesses both of these energies in alignment with our truest values and aspirations. It’s everything needed for the journey… the engine, the gas, the brake and the route.

A mindful ego recognizes the interconnectedness, fostering empathy and compassion. It understands that true speed lies in control, true strength lies in vulnerability and that real fulfillment comes from within, not from external achievements or validations.

Cultivating a mindful ego requires consistent practice.

As the understanding between ego and mindfulness continues, a profound transformation occurs within us. We start to “enjoy the drive” and experience inner harmony—an abiding sense of peace that is not dependent on external circumstances. Our relationships become more authentic and fulfilling, we let go of power struggles and judgments.

In this state of self-realization, we understand that ego and mindfulness are not opposing forces but required aspects of who we are. The ego, when understood and guided by mindfulness, becomes a valuable ally. It becomes a source of creativity, inspiration, and authentic self-expression.

In our industry, the interplay between ego and mindfulness is inevitable. It is a skill that each of us must learn, because it holds the key to optimal functioning and experiencing profound inner peace. By embracing this interplay with awareness and compassion, we can navigate the complexities of our relationships between ourselves and other and enjoy the daily drive towards self-discovery and authenticity.