MINDFUL NOT MIND FULL SERIES - "Acceptance and Embracing the Suck"

Let’s talk about one of the most difficult elements needed today in business and life and a huge part of a successful mindfulness practice... acceptance.

In the hustle and bustle of going from lesson to eval to lesson and then back home to the family and our own dogs, we often find ourselves grappling with a myriad of emotions, situations, and challenges. Solopreneurs and entrepreneurs are doers and refuse to accept many situations, automatically working for a different reality.  The drive is sometimes automatic.

Too many times that automatic desire to struggle results in a needless win or a needless struggle and loss.

But what if I told you that acceptance, a fundamental principle of mindfulness, could be the key to less struggle and disappointment? In the military "acceptance" is similar to "Embracing the Suck" and what that means is the longer you try to fight discomfort the more you will suffer from it.

Mindfulness, at its core, is about being present, being in the current moment, and accepting it without judgment. It’s about acknowledging our thoughts and feelings without trying to alter or suppress them. Instead of resisting the reality of the present, mindfulness teaches us to accept it – the good, the bad, and the ugly and then sit with it.

That’s acceptance and it’s really tough sometimes. It’s tough whether it is ourselves or the client who doesn’t want to do the work or the dog that’s not progressing.

Acceptance in mindfulness does not mean resignation or giving up and saying “oh well”… not at all. It’s about acknowledging our struggles, pain, and discomfort without allowing them to define us, the client or the dog.

By accepting our experiences, we create space to move on.

Radical acceptance, a term popularized by mindfulness expert and psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan, emphasizes accepting life… as it is… in this moment.

It means acknowledging that certain things are beyond our control, and fighting against them is swimming upstream which only leads to you getting tired and going nowhere. Radical acceptance encourages us to let go of the illusion of control and find peace in the midst of chaos. Essentially to “go with he flow” instead of swimming upstream.

It’s tough. Many of us refuse to accept the circumstances we have been dealt and struggle to change them. Success and contentment is knowing when to accept and when to challenge.

Radical acceptance helps us because often we are “in” the struggle and can’t see it objectively. When we are able to step back and objectively look at it we can then make the determination of when to fight and when not. Too may times it is automatic and the immediate response is to fight. Radical acceptance helps us let go of the internal struggle because the internal struggle often causes more anguish than the external situation itself. By accepting the reality of the present, we can respond more effectively to challenges and make better decisions.

Our emotions can be intense, overwhelming and difficult to regulate. Too many times we resist them, leading to that inner conflict we all know. Mindful acceptance of our emotions, whether they are positive or negative, allows us to experience them without being consumed by them. Instead of suppressing our feelings, we can observe them with curiosity and without judgment.

Acceptance in mindfulness also fosters emotional regulation by teaching us that feelings, no matter how intense, are temporary. By acknowledging and accepting our emotions, we create a space between the stimulus and our response. In this space, we can choose how to react consciously, rather than being driven solely by impulse. Remember earlier when I mentioned the automatic response of fighting?

A great example we all know and see is a puppy learning to settle in a crate. The skill of settling is helping that puppy learn to be in the moment, to understand that just because I’m in the crate right now doesn’t mean I’ll be here forever. The pup learns to be present and accept the confines of the crate as opposed to thinking I’m stuck here forever and suffering from confinement anxiety.

Applying acceptance in our relationships can transform the way we interact with others. We often encounter situations where clients or dogs don’t meet our expectations, leading to disappointment and frustration. Mindful acceptance in relationships means accepting both clients and dogs as they are, with their flaws and imperfections and then helping them.  

When we stop trying to change others and accept them as they are, we nurture genuine connections. This acceptance doesn’t mean we condone their actions, but rather, we acknowledge people’s inherent worth despite them. By practicing acceptance in relationships, we foster empathy, compassion, and understanding, that creates a positive ripple effect when others, like our clients, model this behavior and show it to the dogs they live with.

Perhaps the most transformative aspect of acceptance in mindfulness is self-acceptance. Many of us in this industry struggle with self-criticism, constantly striving for an unattainable perfection. Think of the board and train that wasn’t up to the standards you know you could reach. If you only had another week. Or the video that needed juts a little more editing.

Mindfulness teaches us to accept ourselves and embrace our imperfections as part of being human… after all we are.

Self-acceptance is not about complacency and its not about saying “whatever” and giving up... it’s about acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses without judgment and without being an ass to yourself.

It’s recognizing that we are worthy of love and compassion, regardless of our achievements or failures. When we accept ourselves, we can approach life with greater confidence, resilience, and authenticity.

Now that we understand the significance of acceptance in mindfulness, how can we begin to develop it in our daily lives? You could sign up for my upcoming Mindfulness for Professional Dog Trainers course and in the meantime follow some of the tips below.

Meditation: Regular meditation practice allows us to observe our thoughts and feelings without attachment. Through this we can learn to accept them without getting entangled in them.

Mindful Breathing: Focusing on our breath grounds us in the present moment. As we inhale and exhale, we can practice accepting the rhythm of our breath, appreciating the simple act of being alive. Remember each breath is a miracle not a ritual.

Body Scan: Engaging in a body scan meditation involves paying attention to different parts of our body. This practice encourages acceptance of physical sensations, no matter how pleasant or uncomfortable they might be.

Gratitude Journaling: Keeping a gratitude journal helps shift our focus from what is lacking in our lives to what we already have. By appreciating the present moment, we enhance our capacity for acceptance.

Non-Judgmental Awareness: Throughout the day, practice being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Notice when you are being self-critical and gently redirect your focus to being easier on yourself and acceptance.

Acceptance in mindfulness is not a destination but a daily journey, a continual practice that unfolds with each passing moment. As we embrace acceptance in our lives, we discover the sense of calmness that comes from letting go of resistance. We learn that acceptance is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength and resilience.

Remember, acceptance is not the absence of challenges... it’s the presence of calmness amid the challenges. Stay mindful, stay accepting, and let it guide you to be a better trainer to your clients and dogs and a better human to your family, friends and colleagues.